I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
