I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize
