if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Randomize
