The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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