i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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