my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
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