I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Randomize
