I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Randomize
