watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Randomize
