My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
