I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
