wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
