WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Randomize
