I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
