he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
Randomize
