I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
