You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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