My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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