I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
