the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
