why would she put his p in her m after it was in her a? that's gross
its gross she let him put his p in her a nevermind his p in her m after p in her v. cleaning up is necessary
i put my m on your v after my p was in your v. no big deal
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
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