While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Randomize
