dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
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