did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
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