so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
Randomize
