I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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