wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
