I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
