I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
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