If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
