dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
someone owes me an orgasm
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Randomize
