I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Randomize
