I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
