Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Randomize
