Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
