Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
