I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
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