he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
