she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
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