Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
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