I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Randomize
