I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
