Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
