When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
