She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
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