There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
