cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
