So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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