i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
