I smell stomach acid.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Randomize
