Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
