I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
