Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
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