I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
