i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
