Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
You can't special order awesome
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Randomize
