legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Randomize
