Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
