It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
